The hardest part of using a pleasure product with a partner is usually the first sentence, not the product. People worry that suggesting one implies a complaint, or that the other person will be embarrassed, and so nothing gets said. This guide is about that conversation, and then about which products are easy to share and how to use the first one together.
Starting the conversation
Three things make it easier. Raise it outside the bedroom, over a coffee or on a walk, where nobody is undressed and nothing is being judged. Make it about adding, not fixing: "I'd like to try one of these with you" lands differently from anything that starts with "we should". And have something specific in mind, because "a toy" invites a dozen assumptions and "a small vibrator that either of us can hold" invites none. Sending a link to a guide like this one, rather than to a product page, lets the other person read at their own pace and reply when they are ready.
Handling a no, or a not yet
A partner who says no is not saying no to you. Leave it, and do not raise it again that week. People often come back to the idea once the surprise has passed, especially if the first suggestion was low-key and specific. A product bought alone and kept for solo use is not a secret to hide; it is simply yours, and it may be the thing that makes the second conversation easy.
Products that are easy to share
A bullet. Either person can hold it, it needs no sizing and no app, and it can be used on either body. It is the first thing to try together.
A ring set. Plain rings with no motor, no charging and nothing to learn. The sizing guide explains how to find a comfortable size; whichever ring suits, both partners feel the difference.
A vibrating ring. Both partners feel the motor during penetrative sex. The couples guide to rings covers fit and battery life. The ring in this range is currently unavailable, so the plain set is the place to start.
A wearable. For one partner to control while the other wears it, in the same room or at a distance. It is the product most people picture when they think of couples' toys, and it is better as a second shared purchase than a first, because it brings an app and a conversation about the app with it.
Internal products for him. The plug and the massager in this range can be run by a partner from the button or the app. The prostate guide covers how to start.
Using the first one together
Wash and charge it beforehand, so the moment is not spent finding a lead. Agree who holds it and let the other person say where and how much; the lowest setting first, always. Treat the first time as finding out rather than achieving anything, and stop when either person wants to. A bullet used through clothing or a sheet is a gentle first step that many couples prefer. Afterwards, say one thing that worked; that sentence does more for the next time than any product.
Apps and distance
App-controlled products let a partner take part from anywhere, and that is their appeal. Two cautions apply. The app-controlled guide explains what a published report found about toys that use the Love Spouse app, which three products here use: nearby Bluetooth devices have been shown to start or stop them. And a dropped connection leaves the product doing whatever it was last told, so agree in advance what happens if the connection goes. In the same room, a hand on the button is simpler and better.
Cleaning between people
Wash between users with warm water and a mild soap, every time, as the care guide describes. A product used by both partners should be washed before it changes hands, which takes a minute and is easier to make a habit of than to discuss.
